Think about this – you are in a play area with your kid, when suddenly he trips and starts crying. You rush to his rescue, take him in your arms to comfort him. After a while, his sobbing stops and he’s back on his feet playing with other kids. It seems like a normal thing, right? Because as parents, your parental instinct attempts to avert any pain or failure for your children. You don’t want them to feel like losers or be deprived of something, so you go to greater lengths for fulfilling their wishes.
But the irony is – disappointments are actually good for your kid! When they face minor setbacks or fail at something, it teaches them deeper aspects of life. Such as coping skills, emotional resilience, creative thinking, and the ability to collaborate. Let them make their fair share of mistakes. Only then, they’ll learn to bounce back and start fresh. With this, give them examples of scientists and geniuses who failed exams but still made it big in life. Parents look at failure as a source of pain for their kids. But, instead let them learn to tackle it and give them the opportunity to say, “I got this”.
You must gauge for yourself and take a call as to when you should step in and help them or let them dust themselves off and get up. But, these are some everyday steps you can take that will teach them to cope when things don’t go their way –
Put a pause on the praise
Too much of compliments and appreciation does more harm than good. When a child gets used to validation for the smallest of things, they will grow up depending on others for validation, and will always seek positive feedback to feel valued.
Be a guide, not a savior
When he comes crying to you, don’t rush to comfort him. Ask him what he can do to fix it, how he feels about the whole situation, and how he can change things the next time. Don’t dismiss his silly ideas, that will only shut down his creative problem-solving. Let him brainstorm.
It’s good to delay gratification
Kids being kids, want things when they want it. But, when you delay the gratification, he’ll be more patient and resilient. Teach them that some things are non-negotiable – like homework before TV. When they realise that certain things must be done without any expectations, they will nurture their self-control.
When Should You Take Matters In Your Hand?
- If failing or losing at something is going to make them feel terribly humiliated.
- If they are being bullied.
- When they are in danger of any sort.
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